The other night my long time girlfriend and I came to a locking of horns, so to speak, when we were discussing age. She, being ten years older than I, was set on believing that one’s age should remain private and a woman should not tell people how old she is. Me, on the other hand, admitted that I just posted on social media that I was having my 60th birthday. So, not only did I admit my age, I admitted it to the world all with a push of a button. Why should a woman hid her age, I asked her? It is so much of who she is after all.
If someone then judges you because of your age, then maybe you don’t want to know them anyway. It helps attract like minded people and pushes away people who you don’t need to be with or have in your life. It’s an efficient weeding out process.
Stating your age is being authentic about who you are. It shows confidence and courage to go against what we were brought up believing which is that a woman never tells her age. You didn’t want people knowing just how old you were and you were supposed to keep them guessing. You wanted to trick them into believing you are younger than you were because a young woman is a beautiful woman and an old woman was an invisible woman and you didn’t want to be invisible. You wanted to be beautiful.
Who defines ‘beautiful’ and who gets to define ‘old’? Is being beautiful having no wrinkles and a small waist? Is being old 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 or 90? And why does our physical form and age matter so much? My argument with my girlfriend was that by me declaring my age to the world, hopefully I could inspire other women to see what 60 can look like—fit, active, happy, and confident. Life isn’t over at 60 is clearly what I’m showing them. Instead, show them what’s possible. It might get them creating some necessary changes that will lift them into a better version of themselves and help them to not give up on themselves. I could only hope it shows them that they are relevant, important, can still contribute and are still interesting and not invisible.
This double standard of men not worried about telling their age and women better off by hiding theirs is so bogus. It keeps us women fighting to hold up our appearances and keeps us existing behind a veil of mystery. Why? What for? It only weakens us and keeps us fearful of who were naturally are. I find it shows a strength of character to admit, declare and to be proud of your age. It says, ‘This is who I am and there is nothing you can do about it. I don’t need your approval. You can judge me if you want, but hopefully you get inspired instead.’ That is much more empowering.
Authenticity is what it’s about. Women can be so fearful of what they can become as they age. They can be so fearful of who they are, or who they are not and this stems from society feeding them disempowering beliefs about themselves since they were born. Listen, we are equal to men and we have just as much right to be here and to life freely as they do. We are human too and we are the much needed other half of the much needed balance in life. Our world is out of balance because of this felt suppression.
Something else about a woman’s age—when we hear how old she is we immediately judge her. We think she’s older looking then that or younger looking then that. We compare ourselves to her. Each of us as an idea of what a particular age is supposed to look like. If a woman tells you she is 50 but she doesn’t fit your idea of what a 50 year old woman looks like then it leads to judgment, comparing, envy or disbelief. Because this happens, I can see my girlfriend’s point of view. By not telling your age, you bypass people’s association of your age with what they think a certain age means. For example, if you say your age is 50, a person will drop you into their slot of what a 50 year is supposed to be, look like and act like and what they know. So, if they think 50 is old, they will treat you differently than if you didn’t tell them and they thought you might be 44, which to them was still young. I know this isn’t fair. I know people can get stuck with their thoughts and beliefs so maybe this article needs to be on mental flexibility and open-mindedness instead. Open-mindedness and fearlessness.
Imagine a world where every woman was open-minded and fearless. OMG! There would be such a rise in the divine feminine! Peace would be strongly felt throughout the world. It would be a new women’s liberation. The younger generation wouldn’t be thwarted by oppressive though